Finding a Voice, Finding a Reader

Two hours into a long-distance phone call, in a raspy but clear whisper, from the other side of the Atlantic, a dear friend asks if I am at all afraid of speaking in public…

Obviously the question was meant to help relieve a fear in her… but, as unconsciously as I blurt out the words, the memory of an awfully frightened young girl with trembling hands, sweaty palms and a nervous eye-twitch invades my hippocampus. This kid, once forced to give speeches in front of auditoriums full of her so-called "peers", standing in shackles and cuffs, feet chained together and hands tightly bolted to a metal chain around her waist, so as not to step "outta line" or make any sort of sudden movement of the upper body… The term "peer" is a whole other subject on its own at this point…

But the vision forces my mouth to word the phrase: "After a certain degree of experience, stage fright isn't really a thing anymore… you know what I mean?" When you've had to speak your truth to people who see you as less than human or who are expecting for you to break, or who—let's say—wish you were in a whole other dimension, well, everything else becomes just plain conversation.

On the other hand, writing for an audience or for a specific reader or a group of readers or even writing for what they call your "ideal reader" is just the same as public speaking in a way because you're writing to be heard - to be understood. You are writing to send a message through and touch the other person's soul in a way that truly matters. And I guess, in that sense, everybody must feel some level of apprehension. 

I remember being in a public speaking class in college, where the professor said, in his typical mixture of Span-Catalanish, that people statistically were more afraid of public speaking than they were of encountering an aggressive shark in the ocean! I automatically thought that it is statistically less likely that you would encounter a shark wanting to bite your head off on any random summer day… depending the location, of course, but public speaking, on the other hand, is something you have to do in any sort of professional or even personal setting, almost all the time. So of course it's normal to get nervous, but I think you eventually learn to project that nervous energy, as in theatre, to articulate better or be louder. 

Still, I guess the point here is that when a story is so profound or personal, and when we are speaking sincerely from the heart, it is difficult to share it authentically in front of an unknown audience.

In this context, writing is always personal—even if I’m telling somebody else’s story. Therefore, one of the most important questions to keep in mind is: Who is this for? Typical question in any marketing or sales book, too! So why don’t we seem to define it more clearly when writing? Who is my reader?

I've learned that finding that one person in the dark—sometimes you have to write into the void first. Sometimes you have to let your words spill out messy and unformed, like this very piece, before you discover who’s listening. Because when I write, I’m not just looking for my reader. I’m also searching for the part of myself that knows how to be understood.

Maybe all that writing really is—is a sincere conversation between who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming.

But here’s what I know for certain—once you’ve survived speaking your truth in the worst possible circumstances, everything else becomes manageable. When you’ve faced an audience that probably expected to see you break (whether you did or didn’t at that particular moment) and you survived, then regular conversations feel just like breathing. Even when people disagree with you or seem not to listen completely, you realize most of the time they’re just trying to understand themselves. And if your words help them do that — if others can find some piece of their own story in your own — then you’ve succeeded. 

So to answer my friend’s question and address it to you, across the globe: No, I’m not afraid of speaking in public anymore.I’ve already faced the devil of an audience — both inside and outside of myself — and I survived to tell you all about it.

Now, when I write, when I speak, I’m simply looking for that one person who needs to hear they can survive their worst nightmare too. That they can find their voice in the darkness and discover it’s clearer and stronger than they would have ever imagined!

If you’re reading this now, maybe that person is you.